He's Not Worth It (Tosh)

P.S. ~~~~~ah= your name ^_^

“Agh...” you muffle a scream.

You were doing it once again. Dragging a knife across your wrist. You had tried to stop this habit time and time again but the pain you felt everyday was killing you. You felt that you had no choice but to result to this.

You were cutting yourself again. You couldn’t take the fact that your boyfriend was actually cheating on you. He was more than your boyfriend actually. He had actually proposed to you! Then you found out that he, already had a wife.

The blood from your wrist flowed out freely, before staining your clothes. You stood up, trembling. The room spun crazily around you. Everything was a blur. It felt like everything inside you was going to kill you. You couldn’t bear the pain. Letting tears flow freely down your face, you blacked out.

Your apartment was dark by the time you regained consciousness. How long were you asleep? You couldn’t give a damn. You sat up groaning. A sharp pain hit the back of your head. Your face was stiff with tears and your wrist stiff with dried blood. You stumbled to your room. The pain was worse than a mere hangover. You lunged into the bathroom and hurled whatever you had in your stomach into the toilet. But you had been practically starving yourself the past days so there was barely anything that came out, except for some saliva but that was all. You undressed and went into the shower, drenching yourself in cold water. The water made your wrist smart like crazy but you didn’t care.

You got out and towelled yourself roughly, before going to your wardrobe. You absent-mindedly pulled on your jeans and a white long-sleeved top. You had to cover your wounds somehow right? You dragged a brush through your hair and looked at yourself in the mirror. Normally you looked good whatever you wore. But now, you had dark circles under your bloodshot eyes and your skin was dry and scaly. You looked a mess. But at this stage in time, did you care?

You took your bag and was about to go for a walk when you realised. HE bought you that bag. HE gave it to you. You dropped it on the floor with disgust before grabbing your old bag. The one your friend from England, Tammy, had given you. You picked up the bag HE had given you and dropped it carelessly inside the bag. Then you left your apartment. Seriously. It was waaay past 1AM. How many people would actually SEE you?

You walked all the way until you reached East Coast Park. You were at Sector B, where few people went to. You took out the bag HE gave you and tossed it on the sand. You dropped tiredly on your knees and began to cry. You let out a shriek that could send birds flying. Pulling the knife out of the bag Tammy gave you and taking a deep breath, you dragged it up your leg and muffled a scream.

“Hey!”

You spun around in shock. You didn’t think anyone would be here at 2AM.

“What are you doing?”

In the darkness you couldn’t make out who it was. You could see a tall male figure with a mohawk but that was all. He approached you slowly. You pulled out the knife and pointed it at him.

“I’m warning you buddy. Touch me and I will kill you. I HAVE A KNIFE.” You mumbled in fear.

“Woah. I don’t want to hurt you. Are you alright ma’am?”

“Who are you?”

“Tosh..?”

Tosh... Tosh... Why did it sound so familiar?

“Tosh..?”

“Ya.”

Why did his name ring a bell in your head. The clouds cleared and in the moonlight you could dimly see his face.

It was Tosh Zhang. The annoying dude in your class. You used to go to tuition with him. He annoyed you every class. Tosh Zhang.

“Woah... ~~~~~ah..?” Tosh gaped.

“I don’t know you!” You scream, turning around and covering your face.

“~~~~~ah? Is that you?”

You dropped to your knees. You didn’t want him to see you. He had to go away. “Get lost.” you growl.

“~~~~~ah? What’s the matter?”

“GET LOST TOSH. GO GET A LIFE INSTEAD OF BOTHERING ME. WHY DON’T YOU?”

“Look I ain’t moving this ass. I’m sitting right here until you tell me what the f*ck is wrong.”

He sat next to you and tilted your face to meet his eyes. It really was Tosh. Who knew he had a nice side?

The next thing you knew, you were pouring everything out to him. He sat there silently while you wailed on.

“That’s the bag that bi*ch gave me.” You said softly, pointing at the bag which was floating on the waves that reached the shore. It was slowly being carried off.

Tosh stood up and went to the bag. Then he picked it up and hurled it across the water, so far that you couldn’t see it anymore.

“I want you. To make him disappear like that bag. That faggot doesn’t deserve you.”

Then he tried to help you up by holding your wrist.

“F*CK.” You scream.

Tosh had accidentally pressed on your cuts. You scared the hell out of him when you screamed. He immediately pulled you until you were standing and rolled up your sleeves.

“Wha.........”

You blush and pull your arms away, rolling back the sleeves then turning away.

“I... I have to go. Thanks.” You whisper hoarsely.

“Wait. I’ll give you a lift.”

“No need.”

“I don’t give a damn. I’m going to see you home and that’s final.”

You crack a small smile. Half an hour later you were back home. You looked up at the clock. It showed 4AM. Woah. Then you yawned.

Tosh helped you into your bed. The moment your head touched the pillow, you fell asleep. But just before you did, you heard Tosh say, “He’s not worth it. Just remember that.”

The next morning, when you woke up, pasted on your wardrobe in front of your bed was a piece of post-it note. You squinted at it.

“JUST REMEMBER. HE’S NOT WORTH IT. LOVE, TOSH,”

A small smile crept onto your face. You pushed a strand of hair away from your face as you crawled to the edge of the bed. The sharp pain at the back of your head had evaporated like a puddle on a hot day. The pain which was killing you had gone. Your wrists were still hurting but you felt nothing. As you pushed yourself up, you felt a scratchy feeling on your wrists. Looking down, you laughed when you realised Tosh had bandaged your wrists while you were sleeping.

You got up and washed yourself. It was a new day, and you were also determined to make it a new chapter, a new book of your life. You were going to start over. And this time, a certain boy with the initials T.Z. was definitely going to be playing a main role in it..........